4 SECRET strategies for coping with the ‘Mummy Tantrums’

5 secret stategies

We’ve all had them, your buttons have been pushed once too many today (and that doesn’t take much lately) your head feels like it’s about to come off, your blood is boiling and your usually rampaging around the house screaming and ranting like a tazmanin devil.

Then afterwards, you feel bad, guilty for behaving the way you did. You know you were behaving totally irrational (well sometimes you do anyway) but you simply can’t control yourself. Anger takes over and you become the monster of all monsters. You don’t like the mummy you become but you don’t know how to stop it.

Now, don’t feel bad, there’s no point and it’s understandable us mummies fly off the handle.  Life get’s in the way sometimes, stuff we can’t control, stress is piled on us by the bucket load. Its no wonder we have our own mummy tantrums. But what can we do about it? 

1. Well firstly, be mindful of your own emotional state

Now, you might be thinking “what the hell has that got to do with my mummy tantrums?” Well, it has, very much so. What’s going on in your life has a huge impact on how you react to your triggers and the parenting challenges that you are facing. When your own emotional state is ‘off the richter scale’ you don’t see things clearly. You don’t have the emotional capacity to react calmly to challenges. Your own behaviour can oh so often make situations much worse.

Knowing and recognising how you’re feeling at the time can sometimes be enough to help you be mindful of your reactions. Let’s face it, if you’re sleep deprived, just had a row with your partner or had a bad day at work, you aren’t going to be in the best place to deal with anymore challenges. Which leads on to my next point.

2. Choose your battles wisely
Now, you’ve probably heard this little gem often. I know I have, and STILL I don’t always choose wisely. But really sometimes when I look back at situations I have gone to battle about, well, I should have in hindsight ‘let it go’. I’ve ended up making the whole situation a lot worse, just by ‘digging my heals in’ when really ‘at the end of the day’ it was no biggie.

3. Reflect
After a little or (big even) Mummy Tantrum, try to find some time to think about what happened.
– How were you feeling prior to you little outburst? Examine your emotional state.
– Think about how you reacted, what could you have done to change the outcome?
– How might you handle things differently if and when something similar happens again?

4. Don’t beat yourself with a wooden stick
I think guilt is my middle name. But what good does it serve really? Does it help us move on? Does it help us learn different ways to handle those challenges? Does it ultimately change anything?

The answer is NOPE, not at all. So DROP IT. Practise doing the first 3 things in this blog regularly and ditch the guilty. Guilt of this kind has no purpose other than to make you feel bad and enhance your poor emotional state.

Shellie xx

The No.1 Reason Why Your Baby Will NEVER Sleep Through The Night – It’s not what you think.

Baby Wont Sleep

My Baby Wont Sleep!

My Baby wont sleep!? Wondering Why?

The answer is simple! they’re not supposed to, end of. Nobody sleeps through the night without waking.

But you see, the trouble is, as a new parents your expectations usually don’t meet the reality of baby sleep. I was exactly the same. I understood of course that I was going to have some form of sleep deprivation. I mean, you’d have to be living down a deep, dark hole, not to understand that wouldn’t you? Every Tom, Dick and Harry takes great delight in telling you how your sleep’s going to suffer.

But the reality of it, the reality of weeks, months, sometimes years of sleep deprivation, well that’s something else. It’s a complete and utter shock.

Parents see a problem where there really isn’t one. Babies wake through the night, it’s normal behaviour for a baby to wake during the night and the thing is that once this is understood, parents can then get their head around it being normal and work to find ways to help themselves get through this stage. Nothing needs fixing, nothing is wrong or broken, we just need to adjust your expectations and work with the situation.

So why wont baby sleep through the night?

  • Well, babies are programmed to wake through the night biologically. It’s a survival mechanism, they need to feed frequently and fill their tiny little tummies.
  • Babies also spend a lot of time in a light state of sleep, which means they can easily be woken from their sleep cycle.Baby sleep cycle (1)
  • Babies don’t differentiate between day and night.
  • Babies don’t produce a hormone called ‘melatonin’ (know as the hormone of sleep that naturally makes us drowsy) until they are approximately 12 weeks old.

It’s not all doom and gloom though so don’t despair. Along with keeping your expectations realistic there are a few things you can do to help your baby and you catch more sleep.

A Really good feed before bed
Make sure your baby has a really good feed before going to sleep on a night. They quite often cluster feed before they go down at night. This is also normal, so be prepared to be feeding on and off prior to bedtime.

Don’t rush into them.

Don’t rush to your baby the moment you hear them. Babies are noisy sleepers, they move about lots and  often stir and make noises in their sleep. Wait a few minutes before you go to your baby, give them chance to go back to sleep. They may not even be awake, you rushing to them may just disturb them enough to rouse them from their light sleep.

Breastfeeding
Another good reason for breastfeeding is that your night time breast milk contains Guess WHAT? Melatonin (yay) the hormone responsible for making us sleepy as well as other hormones that help induce sleep. So,  night-time feeding could actually help your baby sleep better.

Skin to Skin

Plenty of skin to skin before bedtime might also help. It’s thought that skin to skin may help your baby produced the hormone (affectionately know as) ‘the hormone of love’. This hormone is also known to have a sedative effect, so skin to skin prior to bedtime is definitely worth a try.

Massage
Again it’s also been suggested that massage could help elevate the production of the sleep hormone. However, it could just help your baby relax, help calm them and prepare them for sleep.

If your struggling with lack of sleep, don’t despair there are so many things you can do to improve your little ones sleep. Grab our FREE EBOOK below. 7  Sleep Success Tips for newborns. The book will really help you on your way to getting more sleep.

Shellie x

Introducing Solids – 5 Super Useful Tips for Beginners.

weaningIt probably feels like no time at all since you were getting your head around breastfeeding positions or ‘teat sizes’ and sterilising, now you’re having to think about introducing solids. I’m have guessed giving your baby food could be so complicated. I’m guessing now you’ve started to think about ‘weaning’ you can’t believe how many questions you actually.

So I’ve pulled together some practically information that I think you will find useful. Take a little read and if find it useful you can also grab a copy of the FREE CHEAT SHEET HERE or  below.

1. Understanding the guidelines – To wean or not to wean – the 6 month rule.

So, you’ve probably heard about the ‘6 month’ guidelines for introducing solids, and I bet you’ve also heard (particularly from family with older children) that they introduced their little ones to solids at 3 to 4 months of age. Followed by them saying “And it didn’t do them any harm.”

Well, here’s the thing. There’s a really good reason for waiting until your baby is 6 months old if you can and here’s the reason.
Your baby’s digestive tract is immature and therefore not ready to handle a range of different foods until six months. It is even more important to try to wait until your baby is 6 months old if you have a family history of allergies

These are guidelines recommended by the World Health Organisation, Unicef and many paediatricians followed by good, strong research.

The other reason to bare in mind is that your baby really doesn’t need any other foods nutritionally or otherwise than milk.

2. A few signs that your baby is ready for solids. (not an exhaustive list)

  • Can sit up with support

  • Can hold up head up completely

  • Keeps tongue back & down – looses tongue thrust             

3. First Food Ideas

Starting off with something like a baby cereal is a good option. You can mix it with breast milk or formula. The idea being that the taste will be familiar for your little ones first experience of solids and that is experience is all about getting them used to the solid food experience rather than tastes at first.

  • Baby rice mixed with milk
    Mashed cooked vegetables e.g. parsnip, potato, yam, sweet potato or carrot mashed banana, avocado, pear pieces of soft fruit or veg

  • Keep giving milk, this is still of great nutritional benefit. If you want to start giving your baby water remember that too much will fill your baby’s small stomach. Only give a little.

4. Food Quantities (all measurements are approximate and are guidelines only)

The next big question mums often ask is “How much food do I give my little one?

Vegetables.

– 6-8 months = 1 x tbsp per meal eventually giving 4-5 per day approximately.

– 8-10 months = 4 x tbsp or more

Grains and cereals
– 6 months 3–4 tbsp

Fruit
– 6–8 months
1 x tbsp per meal, working up to 4–5 tbsp per day
– 8 months plus 4 tbsp or more

Meat
– 8–10 months 1 x tbsp

5. Foods to avoid in the first year.

Here are some foods to avoid giving your baby in the first year:

  • Salt, sugar, nuts, Low Fat foods, under cooked eggs.
  • Hot dogs, popcorn, grapes, nuts-(choking) cherry tomato

I hope you found this information useful. As always, be led by your baby, seek advice and guidance from your health professional or doctor if you are in any doubt.

Please grab the free Weaning Cheat Sheet below if you would like more valueable information.

Shellie x

6’MUST DO’S’ When Parenting SUCKS and you’re ready to walk

Now I really, truly get this feeling. I’ve totally been there. Believe me I have. I understand what it’s like when you have very little time to yourself, when you’re finding it hard to function on a day to day basis but you feel guilty and ashamed to admit your feelings.


You’re exhausted and feel on the edge most of the time. Your not enjoying parenting and you feel like your existence revolves around sleep deprivation, toddler tantrums and your cluttered house. Your ‘head’s a shed’ and you feel like walking away. You’re on your knees physically and mentally and find this parenting thing way harder than you ever imagined.

You feel like everything you do isn’t good enough, you just can’t keep up with the constant demands and you don’t know where to turn. There’s just no more room inside your head to think straight and there seems to be no end in sight.

What the hell is wrong with you? This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

Well, I’ll tell you what’s wrong. You’re emotionally drained, your reserves are low or you’re running on empty. You’re not looking after your emotional health. Being a good mummy doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice your own needs before your child’s. That doesn’t make you a better mummy, in fact it makes you a stressed out and emotionally drained mummy who can’t meet the needs of her little one. You can’t give from an empty vessel.

So just in-case you’re wondering – what exactly is ’emotional health?’

You emotional health is how you cope and deal with stress, it’s how you think, feel, behave, react and adjust to change and meet the demands of everyday life.

The thing is, looking after your emotional health and well-being isn’t rocket science it’s just easy to slip into not doing it because as mums we always put ourselves last. But something has to give. You simply can’t meet the demands of a family without having time to look after yourself. So, when you’re on your knees, you feel emotionally drained, sad, fed up, alone, sometimes desperate and often bloody shit these six things will help you move on and build some emotional resiliance.

1. Firstly, recognise it’s normal to need time out.

We all get caught up in life from time to time. That normal ‘hum drum’ day to day stuff that can sometimes way us down if we’re not careful. Particularly as parents when we are juggling so many balls, we often put ourselves at the back of the queue. That’s normal, that’s how it is as a mum right? Yeh, that’s about it BUT you need to be recognising when you’ve had enough, when your emotions are getting the better of you. When you no longer feel like you can cope. When those ‘balls you are juggling’ are going to come crashing down to the ground. It’s so very easy to underestimate the responsibilities you have as a mummy. You can’t keep on giving without looking after yourself. It’s not something to be ashamed of.

2. Acknowledge and recognise your feelings, they matter.

No one manages all the time. We all have different worries and hurdles to get over along our parenting journey. Sometimes our worries and stresses can be overwhelming. Sometimes it’s not anything BIG but a number of ‘little’ things that get on top of us and weigh us down. Sometimes these ‘little’ things keep piling up and up. Now generally, as a rule these ‘little’ things are manageable, but when a number of little things build up and the pressure keeps mounting and your still juggling those balls and not recognising or acknowledging those feelings, that’s when things become difficult to parent well and enjoy your children. Dealing with day to day stuff and small children and their emotions takes your time and energy, you can’t do that effectively if you are stressed, worried or anxious. Acknowledge those feelings it’s time to look after yourself.

3. Work out what is bothering you, what is it that you need to do?

Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings its time to stop ignoring them and work out what is really bothering you? Pin pointing what is wrong, what needs to change. That’s the first step to addressing and solving those little worries big or small. Just ‘off loading’ to a family member or friend who might understand how you feel or be able to put things in perspective for you is half of the battle. When we’re emotionally depleted we don’t often see things clearly, our views can be dis-stored. By sharing the problem you may come away with a totally different perspective on your problems and feel heaps better for just talking and acknowledging what’s going on in your head.

4. Never Compare your life to someone else’s.

You might often think that others have it just so. That they are keeping all ‘their balls’ up in the air just fine. You may wonder why they are coping and you’re not. Very often parents dare not say how they really feel. Particularly new parents. You see society plays a huge part in painting this very rosy picture of parenting and how wonderful it is. AND yes it is BUT it can also be SHIT, CHALLENGING, LONELY, ISOLATING AND HARD to name but a few things.

Those who portray that they are managing all the time are ‘fibbing’. They’re not being true to themselves or those around them. AND even if they are managing certain things that you aren’t, their circumstances will be completely different I can guarantee it. They might have lots of family support. They might have less financial stressors. They many have household support such as a nanny, or ship washing and ironing out every week and have a cleaner. Their child might sleep through the night, or they may get the opportunity for couple time and date nights. Never ever compare yourself and feel bad, because so many things affect how we manage and adjust as parents. These little things make all the difference.

Just bear in mind that as a parent you have embarked on one of the most MAJOR life transitions you will probably ever experience. Your life has been turned upside down, no part of it is left unchanged. It’s blooming NORMAL to struggle sometimes, to feel that you can’t always manage, that you’re not cut out for parenthood.

The problem arises when you are actually feeling negative and cynical about your life all the time. When your mood never lifts, when you feel angry and unable to cope most of the time. If you’re feeling like this it’s time to take drastic action and make sure you are putting your own needs first. See the next step.

5. Work on building your resilience tool kit.

Learn to relax. Appreciate what helps you to unwind and calm down after a stressful situation or day. Work on what your triggers are and try to put things in place to deal with or even avoid those situations. Explore relaxation techniques such as visualisation or meditation. Perhaps getting out for a walk to clear your head works for you or a bath away from everyone with a few candles, scents and music. Reflect on situations, think about how you handled them and what you could have done to improve or handle things differently. This website has some great ideas on managing stress. http://www.stressbusting.co.uk/treatments/

6. Finally…..

Go easy on yourself. You’re doing a grand job. Parenting is a challenge with many turns and curves along the way. As always, get in touch if you need help.

Shellie x

Why is my toddler biting? 2 things you must know about biting.

  • biting nightmare (1)I know how you feel. You’re on edge constantly and can’t relax in case your little one ‘sinks’ his teeth into yet another child at soft play or toddler group.
  • You feel like other mums don’t want their little one to mix with your with  little one just encase he gets his teeth out yet again.
  • Your living in a conscious state of anxiety when you’re out and about just waiting for the next mum to come and tell you what your child has been up to.
  • You feel like you’re constantly telling your little one off and really not enjoying what should be an important part of his social development.
  • You feel like your a bad parent and should be able to stop your  little one biting and worst of all you think everyone thinks your child is just ‘naughty’.

Well, you’re NOT a bad parent and YOUR child isn’t naughty.
Would it help if I told you it was a normal part of development?
Would it help if I explained why toddlers bite?

Really, it is normal.  A normal part of development and really not unlike why children tantrum.

Let me explain. Here are 2 reasons why toddlers bite.

1. Exploration

I’m sorry but I have to chuckle here, because it’s all part of learning ’cause and effect’. Your child may bite just to see what happens. I know, it’s not helpful, but he needs to do it to learn and move on. Sorry…..

2. Big Feelings.

Your toddler may feel overwhelmed or frustrated. They are experiencing feelings they can’t control and don’t know what to do with. They loose control of their feelings. Your toddler does not set out with the clear intent to hurt of bite another child or person. They don’t even realise that biting hurts. They are experiencing emotions that they don’t understand and don’t have the capacity to verbalise.

They may be frustrated that another child has a toy they want. Or would like another child to play with them but they don’t know how to tell the other child that they want to play or understand why they can’t  have a toy that they other child has.

These feelings and emotions your child is feeling are intense. Think about how you feel when you’re frustrated or annoyed. It’s difficult sometimes to control our own emotions  and as adults and we have the experience and life skills to deal with these things. Toddlers don’t.

Your little ones emotional brain is undeveloped, immature and unfinished. Try to hold that thought and remember that younger children are impulsive and have limited self control.You can help your child through this stage.

In the next blog I will look at some strategies to help with biting.

Powered by WishList Member - Membership Software
WP-Backgrounds Lite by InoPlugs Web Design and Juwelier Schönmann 1010 Wien