I’ve said before that I totally and utterly get how hard this stage is for parents. My boys had some ‘belters’ of tantrums lasting an hour at a time. Looking back, I probably used to ‘add fuel to the fire’ with some of my reactions. We’re all better in hindsight eh?
Anyhow, years later, further education, lots of reading books and research I am in a greater place to understand what is going on and offer some insight into how you might want to handle this challenging development phase.
One of the things I know lots of you struggle with is keeping calm when the SHIT HITS THE FAN.
So here are 6 things you can do to stay calm in the HEAT of a WAR DANCE…. Hopefully one of them might help you to ride the storm or give you further ideas on keeping your own emotions under control. If you have anymore ideas please feel free to add them to the bottom of this blog to help other parents at this challenging time.
Pretend this child in front of you having the ‘screaming abdabs’ is not your child. He’s your friends, so how are you going to handle it, because you sure as hell will have more patience with someone else’s little one than you would your own. Stay calm by thinking about how you would react if this was your friends little one.
You’re in the middle of a busy shopping centre, surrounded by onlookers all waiting to see what you do. Would you totally loose your shit like you are inclined to do at home?
Remember to tell yourself that where ever you are and whatever you’re doing IT’S OKAY that your little one has tantrums. It’s perfectly okay and a normal part of development.
In the heat of a tantrum your words wont ever be enough. Your little one has reached the point of ‘no return’, his emotions are up on the ceiling somewhere, your words will be wasted. he’s untouchable until he calms down. So, don’t stress yourself trying to talk to them, save it for when they have calmed down.
Tell yourself that it’s ok for this emotional storm to happen. It’s ok for the tantrum to happen? Consider is your little one tired, hungry? Angry that he can’t have or do something, that’s ok. Don’t enter into the battle, don’t react. Just keep telling yourself it’s ok and reassure your little one too that his feelings are okay. Whatever and however he is feeling it’s ok to feel as he does. Tell him that. Showing emotion is ok.
If or when you loose ‘your shit’ it doesn’t matter, your human, forgive yourself, we’ve all done it and we’ve all been there.
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