Meltdowns are for LIFE not just Christmas.. SORRY but this is a must read

igonre a tantrum (1)The dreaded Meltdowns

I really hate to burst your bubble here but MELTDOWN’s don’t magically stop after the ‘terrible two’s’. Oh no, you’re in for the long haul.

I’m sorry if you were under some sort of illusion, I was too and it came as one great big shock. They go on and on and on.

You see, if you think about it, it makes totally sense.
Our toddlers are dealing with an emotional overload more about that >>HERE<< and that happens to us all.  We all feel emotions, sadness, anger, frustration, it’s what we do with it that makes the difference.

So if for some MAGIC reason you thought that emotional overload doesn’t happen past three, well you are sadly mistaken. So it makes even more sense to start as you mean to go on and really understand and make sure you learn how to deal with all this emotional turbulance because BELIEVE me when I say the teenage years are a total and utter rollercoaster and in my experience just as difficult as the toddler tantrums. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a THOUSAND times, I wish I had known what I know now about emotions, feelings, the brain tantrums and meltdowns, as I would have been a better less stressed parent with stategies in place for dealing with all that life throws at us.

Are BIG KIDS meltdowns normal?

Yes! I think I’ve already made that quite clear. Of course it is. We just don’t usually refer to them as tantrums, but they are really.
The difference is, with your help and support your little one can learn to manage all those feelings and deal with their anger in a much more constructive and appropriate way.

There’s some GOOD NEWS though

Don’t worry, it’s not all doom and glum there are loads and loads of things you can do to help yourself and your child deal with these tantrums. I’m still using these strategies to help me understand and manage my children and as you probably know they aren’t toddlers anymore.

Developing awareness of all this emotional turbulence is one of the best things you can do for y ourself as a parent and your child. It will put you in a much stronger place to manage and deal with these challenging times.

So what can you do?

Just to point out, I’m not saying that tantrums and emotional meltdowns will never or should never happen. Sometimes they simply can’t be avoided and sometimes your child really needs to let rip. However developing your awareness of what is really going on will pay dividens.

  • Teaching self regulations skills
  • Talking about and explain feelings
  • Learning to see things from your child’s point of view instead of your own adult self.
  • Acknowledging and accepting their feelings as important
  • Accepting the tantrum as emotional pain instead of labelling it as naughty. See more >HERE<
  • Learning to regulate your own emotions

Please, please  do think about this and start putting all these things into practise. I can’t stress enough how important this is and how much it will make a difference to your ability to cope with this challenging stage.

You are also providing the foundations for how your little one will face and managing daily challenges and stress in later life. AN absolute MUST in my opinion and I’m sure you will agree.

If you would like further help and support or you are feeling overwhelmed by this challenging stage I am totally her to help and support you. I found this particular stage of parenting extremely difficult (see my story HERE) and identified that there is very little support out their at this stage. If you would like to work with me further check this out below.

CHECK OUT THE FREE RESOURCE IN THE BLACK BOX BELOW.

Need some support join THE MUMMY SCHOOL FREE SUPPORT GROUP >>HERE<<
It’s for parents that want to parent in their own little way without following one particular style or approach to parenting. Please visit the link and read the group description to see if its for you.

Shellie x

The No.1 Tip To End The Daily Car Seat Battle

Let the Car Seat Battle Commence!
Let the CAR SEAT BATTLECommence!

WE all know the score. Late for work, toddler wont get shoes on, then needs a drink, then wants his blankie to get into the care with. Meanwhile your patience is dwindling, you’ve one eye on the clock knowing that if you don’t get out of the house and into the car you’ll be late for work AGAIN.

Then guess what, the car seat battle begins! Every single time you take a car journey you have the same scenario… It’s just not what you need today or any day when time is of the essence.

This little daily event is fuelled with contention.

First and foremost you’re rushing, not left enough time so you’re feeling stressed out. Secondly, toddlers like transition time, they find it difficult to go quickly from one thing to another and thirdly, they often don’t even know what’s expected of them. They need clarity, direction to know what’s coming, it helps them feel safe.

Now I’m all for choosing your battles, but when it’s a safety issue that’s not an option, stating the obvious here I know. So what can you do to help the daily battle.

Well… I can’t give credit to this idea but I can pass it on in the hope that it helps some of you with this daily challenge from Dr Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

Here is what to do

  • Mary suggests talking to your toddler and explaining how important it is for them to ride safely in the car which means that there isn’t room for negotiation when travelling in the car with mummy or daddy, or anyone for that matter.
  • The next idea I like very much, as I think it will give your child focus on what he should be doing.Mary suggests making a visual plan together. It can be as simple as you drawing the steps taken from leaving the house to getting into the car seat to cutting out magazine pictures, printing pictures off from the internet or actually making a home made book with photos of your tot to show each step. I would even go as far as laminating the visual map.
  • Let me explain further. So, for example, you might start with mummy asking toddler to put shoes and coat on, collecting belongings together. Then locking the door and walking to the car. Mummy then opens the car door, toddler climbs in the car seat, sits down and mummy fastens the buckles.
  • She then goes on to suggest the last step is something fun and rewarding, for example your toddler gets the choice of what cd to play in the car. Or you might choose a song to sing together on the journey. It could even be as simple as what you could both talk about on the car journey.

Sounds really simple doesn’t it but Mary tells of the success her families have had with this strategy. So for me, it’s well worth a try. How good would it feel to get to your destination less frazzled and on time.

_______________________________________________
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Start as you mean to go on today

Shellie x

 

Should I ignore a Tantrum?

Does ignoringTantrums Meltdowns Tantrums and Meltdowns work?

Ok, so let’s just set the record straight and quash some myths around tanrums and meltdowns.
Firstly, your little one isn’t having a full blown meltdown just to P*SS you OFF. Neither is the tantrum about misbehaviour, being naughty or bad.

Some would say attention seeking, and yes they could be right at that. BUT
what’s wrong with wanting some attention? Children often do, it’s normal child like behaviour. So yeh, attention seeking behaviour could well lead to tantrums and meltdowns if your little one is feeling unheard and in need of some attention.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m certainly NOT saying you can give your toddler attention 24 hours a day. Life is challenging when you’re a parent, I appreciate that, I know how it is, I know the washing, tea, etc etc has to be done BUT sometimes, just taking 5 minutes to give your little one that attention when they are whining, winging and crying, perhaps may counteract a full blown meltdown taking place.

To add to the above, it’s important to say that it’s NOT said with any blame attached. Oh no, its said with sincerity and love. I totes know all the challenges of daily parenting, believe me I’m right there with you, but it’s about doing what you can do to eliminate, reduce and avoid little emotions turning into great big mahoosive meltdowns.

So what about those that tell you not to ‘give in’ to the behaviour, the tantrums, the manipulation. You know the score the situation when you have to say the dreaded “NO” and really have to mean it. The “NO” to “Can I have a biscuit?” just before tea, or the “Can I have another story?” just before bedtime.  You can’t possibly give in to those tantrums can you? I mean, that would be rewarding bad behaviour.

Yep, I totally get that and once you’ve set a boundary I understand that you don’t wanna give in, back down, there has to be some rules, of course.

Remember that your tot is downloading and learning so much  day after day, that they often can’t process or understand all this information. Sometimes, we expect too much of them and again this isn’t about BLAME, it’s because we really don’t know that sometimes our expectations are unrealistic, we see it through our adult lense.

So absolutely, you should stick to your “no’s” and boundaries. But here’s the thing you need to be mindful of. When your tot throws a great big wobbly tantrum because you’ve said no or throws a tantrum for any other reason come to that. It’s your tots way of saying and communicating that he/she can’t cope with the situation that they’re in. They can’t cope with the emotional feelings they are having and need our help to deal with them.

They can’t cope because they truly don’t have the ability in their brain it’s too immature. The part of the brain that controls their emotional regulation is very undeveloped. So developmentally they really can’t help their responses. Another bit of info for you also is that your child’s brain that controls emotional regulation isn’t fully developed until their mid 20’s adding understanding to the teenage tantrums too!

Put BLUNTLY but said with LOVE and absolutely NO BLAME whatsoever, by ignoring the tantrum you are ignoring your tots emotional distress, which is emotional pain to them. As a parent it makes more sense to be giving them the tools to deal with the distress and emotional upheaval. One way to do this is to show empathy and understanding for their feelings, no matter how irrational they may seem to you. Acknowledging their feelings helps them feel heard and understood. Try to give them a hug and a kiss. Hold them in that safe place whilst they are throwing that wobbler, explain why you have set that boundary too.

I know this is the hardest approach to the biggest meltdown. I know sometimes you are tired and emotionally drained yourself and really can’t face another meltdown. I know the easiest way is to give in. I know sometimes you just want to ignore them. BUT please remember you are their emotional coach. What you are doing now will pay dividends, you are giving them the skills to deal with future stress and challenges throughout life. You are helping them to understand their feelings and the feelings of others, you are teaching them to be empathetic. You are giving them relationship building skills.

CHECK OUT THE FREE RESOURCE IN THE BLACK BOX AT BOTTOM OF PAGE.

Need some support join THE MUMMY SCHOOL FREE SUPPORT GROUP
***>>HERE<< ***

Please read the group description. It wont be for everyone.

Shellie x

 

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