The Secret Guiding Force for Managing those TANTRUMS

secretIt goes without saying that every child is different, but how is it that your child is the one that has more tantrums and meltdowns than anyone else?

Let me reassure you it’s absolutely nothing to do with you or what you’ve done right or wrong. Nope it’s down to  this little or rather BIG thing. TEMPERAMENT!

So it makes sense to get to know your little ones temperament inside out as this greatly influences their behaviour AND your parenting journey.

Knowing how they are likely to react. either positively or negatively can greatly help you navigate your way around their unique behaviour. Their temperament is part of who they and influences their  introvert or extrovert behaviours.

So in short a child’s  temperament is how they act and react in certain ways based on personality characteristics

Now, we can take this information and make it work for us by understanding how our child is likely to react in certain situations. By understanding your child’s preferences you can then work out whether certain situations are likely to be easy or difficult, then plan and prepare accordingly.

So, understanding the traits of your child’s introvert or extrovert temperament may be the guiding force that could be missing in helping you actively manage your child’s behaviour.

Understanding your EXTROVERT child

The extroverted child is probably always on the go, never sits still, likes to be with you doing things enjoying your company. Likes playing with you and others, maybe needs lots of attention. They don’t usually entertain themselves very well. They enjoy groups and being with other children. Extroverts can get bored very easily if they are spending too much time alone. They need stimulation and variety.

Your extrovert child might be labelled as challenging or strong willed. He might know his own mind and you might regularly ask yourself why he seems to like to make things difficult for you. If you give him the blue cup he wants the yellow cup. You might not understand his constant need to be moving about and flitting from one activity to another. You might feel that he’s always invading other toddlers space. He might be very easily distracted or very persistent when it comes to what he wants.

Understanding your INTROVERT Child

The introvert child enjoys time to think and doesn’t react well to over stimulation. They  may not like lots of noise, crowds and many things going on all at once. They like time on their own to recharge and like a break from other children to recharge their batteries. They maybe be home birds and enjoy nothing more than their own company and can usually entertain themselves quite well.

Your introvert child may be very clingy in new situations and become irritable by noise at playgroup. It might take them  a long time to adjust to childcare or being left.  They might be more comfortable with one to one play or play at home with friends than a play group situation. They need time to prepare and adapt. They often like their own personal space and don’t like others being too close.

So how can we take this information and use it?

Just being aware of all this can help you understand why tantrums and meltdowns might happen for your child and plan in advance. Start to take notice of situations that your child feels uncomfortable in or that perhaps lead to a tantrum or meltdown. Being aware of what could possibly cause a great big MELTDOWN will help you to take action and put steps in place to avoid these situations.

Particularly if you are the total polar opposite of your child. Understanding their needs better will help you to identify their needs in order to AVOID, REDUCE AND ELIMINATE  Tantrums and Meltdowns

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Shellie x

Are you FUELLING your toddlers TANTRUMS?

fuelling tantrums-Well, really are you making your toddler tantrums worse?

Think about it, reflect on the last time your tot had a tantrum.
What did you do ?
What did you say that you wouldn’t normally say had you been calm?
Did you give out unjust punishments and consequences?
Did things escalate because you were raging?
Did you yell, shout, say things you wouldn’t say if you hadn’t flipped your lid?

You are most certainly NOT on your own
Dealing with explosive tantrums and meltdowns is one of the toughest things we are faced with as parents.
it’s exhausting and emotionally breaking….

Seeing your child as the ENEMY

When we are in the grips of anger ourselves, we are trapped in a chemical reaction ‘fight or flight’ that makes our child appear to be the enemy. We are not in a place to think and behave rationally. We say things we don’t mean and potentially make situations a hell of alot more difficult.

Staying Calm is always the advice?!

This is why the advice is always to stay calm. Stay in control of your emotions as difficult as it may be. Find ways to bring yourself back to a stage of calm. Reflect on situations that have occured and ask yourself what you could have done to prevent the situation? What could you do differently next time something similar happens?

How did you react? What were you feeling? Did you feel particularly stressed out that day?  Try to be aware and conscoius of your own emotions in the prsent moment as this gives you an indicator of how you might be about to react. Is this situaiton worth  a battle today when you are feeling ill, tired, stressed.? You know you wont act with the best intentions.

Remind yourself how difficult it is for you to bring yourself back to a state of calm when your have ‘steam coming out of your ears’. Then remember that your little one doesn’t yet have the skills you have to calm down. So expecting him to do so it a little unrealistic.

Stop seeing things through your own ADULT lense

It can help to see things through your child’s eyes instead of your adult lense.  What might they be thinking and feeling? Remember that your little one has only been on this earth a few years, he’s coming across new experiences all the time but his brain just isnt sufficiently developed to exercise rational thinking and control.

It can help to try and remember that your toddler can’t yet control most of his behaviour and really doesn’t understand the emotions he is feeling.

Ask yourself:
Are they feeling scared?
Remember that they are just exploring the world and how it works.
They might be upset
Or stressed
Or overwhelmed

Keep telling yourself these things.  Your toddler  can’t yet control how he behaves They aren’t wittingly trying to push your buttons. Keeping all this information in the forefront of you minds will help you to behave in a more rational way and not FUEL your toddlers behaviour.

Shellie x

Need some support with this? Someone who totally understands how you feel and can provide you with some practical steps? YOU CAN  eliminate, avoid and reduce MELTDOWNS/TANTRUMS/TERRIBLE TWOS ever happening in the first place. CHECK OUT THE  FREE RESOURCE IN THE BLACK BOX BELOW.

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It’s for parents that want to parent in their own little way without following one particular style or approach to parenting. Please visit the link and read the group description to see if its for you.

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