Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve fallen prey of this technique in the past myself. It didn’t achieve much and I still went ahead and did it.
I never thought to question why it didn’t work I was just doing what ‘they say you should do’. In fact all it seemed to achieve was a screaming out of control, angry toddler.
• So why the hell did I keep on doing it? Well, I guess when we know better we do better and at the time I didn’t know better, but I do now so I’m passing this knowledge on to you.
• Ok, so at two and three they firstly don’t understand why you are putting them in time out or the naughty step, even if you explain to them.
• Why? Because our little one’s have limited understanding of language and what we are trying to communicate to them.
• They won’t get why they are even sat on the step. It’s not teaching them anything at all.
• More importantly, if they’re actually sat there in time out shouting, crying, screaming, having a total meltdown they simply do not have the skills to calm themselves down.
• They are emotionally distressed, upset and need help to soothe their emotions because ultimately they don’t know how to do it themselves.
Now I totally get that sometimes the reason we resort to ‘time out’ and the ‘Naughty Step’ or ‘Thinking Step’ (or what other term you might have for it) is because we:
A) Don’t know what else to do
B) Think we’ve run out of options
C) Really need to remove ourselves from the situation because we are about to loose control too.
BUT here’s the thing, we need to be reminding ourselves that our little one’s don’t have the skills we do to calm down. And actually how difficult do we find it as adults to calm down when we are angry?
It’s not always easy, so why do we expect it of our little one’s who’ve only been on this earth a few short years?
Worth bearing in mind eh?
In the meantime try to help them calm down in whatever way you can and know that you are laying the vital and important foundations for future mental health and well being.
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BUT be warned, I’m not on the same page as the 3 Day Nanny or Jo Frost the Supernanny and Attachment Parenting is too much the other way for me too.
For me it’s more about considering your child’s development stage and approaching things in a more holistic way. I guess I follow more of a ‘Postive Parenting’ approach if you had to ‘nail’ me down to one style of parenting.
If this resonates with you come and join me . Shellie x