Thank You for Signing Up for ” 4 Ways to Calm an Angry Child”

Thank You!
Take two-seconds and join the Facebook Group >>>>HERE<<<<

Please make sure my emails don’t land in your SPAM FOLDER

READ HERE >>>>http://www.whatcounts.com/how-to-whitelist-emails/ <<<

You will receive the  details of the Mini Course via email.
But if my emails aren’t getting through to you, you’ll miss out on these and you won’t receive the full benefit of being a Mummy School Subscriber So please take the above simple actions to make sure nothing slips through the cracks:

Your welcome email will be along in a few days with all the details you need to access the free mini course
 “HOW TO CALM YOUR ANGRY CHILD”


TWO WAYS TO EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE YOUR TODDLER

We’ve all been there haven’t we.?

Reacting in the ‘heat of the moment’
Dishing out consequences that are more often than not really harsh.

If you’re like me, I dish out the consequences when I’m less than calm and then later regret the ‘said’ consequence and retract it because I know it’s unreasonable and unfair.

Where does that leave me?
Feeling guilty and not following through on my actions.
Then I’m left wondering why I keep seeing the repeat behaviour.

💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡
Try to remember always that ‘DISCIPLINE’ is about teaching and learning. Whether that be better behaviour or just behaviour you would prefer to see.
💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡

❓ So what do ‘consequences’ as a means of discipline teach your toddler?

Well…

❓ It teaches them to follow rules and what to expect when they don’t follow the rules you set.

❓Teaches them to be responsibility for their choices.

So how do I use consequences to discipline my toddler?

💡NATURAL CONSEQUENCES💡

These are what happens automatically.

For example. It’s freezing cold outside and your toddler won’t wear his coat.

Consequence: He gets cold.

Obviously, you would take your toddler’s coat with you and explain to him when he tells you he’s cold the consequence of not wearing his coat is feeling cold. Therefore he is learning by his experience.

💡RELATABLE AND LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES💡

You could also use the same scenario If you don’t wear your coat you can’t go outside and play. You are giving a logical consequence for his choice.

💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡
When using consequences try to make them relateable to the behaviour you want to change.
💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡

Make sure you make the consequence is clear to your toddler. Use easy to understand language. Don’t complicate things.

Therefore teaching them a great lesson that their behaviour does have an outcome or consequence.

Shellie x

💡 3 WAY TO GET YOUR TODDLER TO CO-OPERATE 💡

“Why don’t you ever listen?

“How many times do I have to tell you?”

“What have i just said?”

“Why don’t you ever listen?”

I know, you feel like a broken record. Constantly repeating yourself day after day.

You always feel like your nagging your little one to do something and it’s becoming really, REALLY frustrating!

Try these 3 tips to ‘edge your bets’ and increase your chances of your little one doing as you ask without you exploding in to ‘shouty mummy’ mode.

💡 1. Give a warning. Let your little one know that in 10 minutes it’s time for bed. You can also remind him when there’s 5 minutes to go and let him know that when his time is up he must do as you ask.

💡 2. Set a timer. Use a timer as a visual cue, so that he can see for himself when he must do as you ask. Remind him how the timer works and tell him when his time is up he must do as you ask.

💡 3. Provide choices. Tell your little one that he can go to bed now and read two stories or go to bed in 10 minutes and have 1 story.

🌸🌸🌸🌸Why listen to me? 🌸🌸🌸🌸

Hiya, I’m Shellie, Founder of The Mummy School
and I help mummies who are really struggling with their little one’s behaviour.

I too was that mummy and I know how difficult it can be and what little support is out there.

So, If your a mum with a toddler or preschool and you’re struggling right now with behaviour and really need some support, I’d love to welcome you into my group here:

>>https://www.facebook.com/groups/1615835238718387/<<

BUT be warned, I’m not on the same page as the 3 Day Nanny or Jo Frost -Supernanny.

For me it’s more about considering your child’s development stage and approaching things in a more holistic way.

Shellie x

Self Soothing. What does it really mean?

Let’s take a quick look ….

The term self soothing is actually quite misleading because our little one’s, whether they’re babies, toddlers or preschoolers are unable to do such a thing on their own.

💡Here’s why:💡
When our little one’s are born they have a massively underdeveloped brain and the part of the brain that controls emotions and helps us calm down is not working at capacity. Therefore it’s the parent that has to provide the soothing.

If you’ve been part of my crowd for a while you will already know we have talked a lot about this with reference to behaviour and emotions.

💡Let me explain a little bit more. 💡
So, in order to regulate emotions we need to have reasoning skills and be able to apply some logic to situations. It all get’s quite complicated from here on in because we need to go into brain development, but basically some parts of the brain don’t become fully mature until adolescence or indeed early 20’s! Again, with this knowledge it becomes easy to understand that babies, toddlers and preschoolers do not yet have those skills.

However, when the parent provides some form of comfort for example rocking, cuddling, talking, reassurance, etc I guess you could say you, the parent are laying the foundations for the future brain development of the skills needed to regulate, calm and soothe. So in other words, the ability to manage those emotional responses and calm down needs to come from the parent.

Now sometimes in absolute desperation, or because we often simply don’t know what else to do some of us might be tempted to leave our little one’s to cry.

I’ve heard advice given about putting a stair gate over the bedroom door to stop your toddler from getting out of the bedroom.

I’ve even heard of mums being advised to hold the bedroom door shut when their pre-schooler is crying on the other side. Again, to stop them getting out of bed.

Now, for me, if I apply my own logical and rational thinking to that scenario it could mean only one thing. Your little one would be gripped with fear and upset and their brains would be flooded with cortisol and adrenaline. None of this would help them calm and soothe their emotions.

As always this post isn’t about making you feel guilty if you’ve ever done any of these things. I’ve done plenty of things that I wish I hadn’t, believe me. My aim is always to give you information that will help you to solve your challenges.

💡Understanding some of this will help you make better choices in how you manage your sleep challenges.

So if you have done any of this you can take comfort from the fact that, as humans, we are incredibly resilient. All babies, toddlers, preschoolers and children at some point will encounter stressful situations that can’t be avoided and I believe, in the whole scheme of things some crying isn’t gonna cause devastating damage. So please don’t rack yourself with guilt if you’ve left your little one to cry.

💡However, sleep training isn’t the only option. There are so many things you can implement to improve your little one’s chances of better sleep. You don’t need to resort to stairgates and door shutting and it’s not something I would recommend.

In saying that, just to balance things, I always say there isn’t a right or perfect way to parent. Nevertheless, if we’re armed with the information to make an informed choice for ourselves and our family, then we have every right to make the decision to sleep train. As long as we understand that sleep training isn’t the ideal solution and take care to minimize the stress for our little ones.

💡P.S. Need more help with sleep. You’re more than welcome to join our free support group >>HERE<<

Shellie x

🙌 How much sleep is enough sleep? 🙌

I’m sticking my neck out here but I’m gonna say it anyway.

There’s no getting away from the fact that the amount of sleep some children need compared to others is totally variable BUT there is also no getting away from the fact that some children are NOT getting enough sleep.

I hear so often comments like ” I’ve tried everything and he’s just not ready for bed before 10 pm” or ” If my child goes to bed early they don’t sleep well.”

But look I’m gonna ‘cut to the chase here” at the risk of being shot down. Putting your child to bed at 10 pm isn’t good for you or them.

Firstly 10 pm is an ADULT bedtime. Secondly, if your little one is up until 10 pm you don’t get any time to yourself or with your partner. Neither of these things are emotionally or mentally a good thing.

If you look at the chart from The National Sleep Foundation it shows a recommended amount of sleep for the age of your child. Now you could argue that your child is falling into the (may be appropriate) range BUT that isn’t the RECOMMENDED range.

Now this chart hasn’t been plucked out of thin air it is recommended via extensive research that was completed over 2 years.

Soooo when you say that your little one goes to bed at 10 pm and wakes at 7 am that means that they could actually only be getting the same amount of sleep as a good majority of adults. Now when we consider the fact that our little ones are learning and downloading vast amounts of information on a daily basis I struggle to see how having the same amount of sleep as an adult can be right or good for a child.

I also know that it can be a habit you’ve gotten into and don’t know how to get out of.

Shellie x

Later Bedtimes are NOT the answer to your sleep challenges.

I hear this time and time again, but putting your little one to bed later in the vain hope that they’ll sleep better because they’re more tired. Or ‘knocking the nap on the head’ for the same reason simply doesn’t work.

I can totally see the logic in why parents would do this but here’s the reason it doesn’t work.

Keeping your child up late or getting rid of naps means only one thing. They get over-tired. When they get over-tired stress hormones start to kick in and those stress hormones keep them awakes and alert. Those stress hormones are also responsible for night time wake ups and early morning rising.

Of course there are lots of other things to factor into play that can also encourage night time waking and early rising but this might be something you might need to address.

Well anywhere between 6.30 pm and 8 pm usually but of course this has to work for you and your daily routine and your little one. Start trying to experiment by moving bedtime forward 15 minutes every few nights.

Make sure you have a calming bedtime routine to encourage sleepiness and help your little one recognise it’s time for sleep.

Watch closely for tired signs and get them into bed before they become overtired. Bedtime meltdowns are a sure sign of over tiredness.

Bedtime meltdowns also means the release of stress hormones which will only hinder your little one calming down and going to sleep.

Struggling with your little one’s sleep? Get more help and support over here >>>CLICK HERE <<<

Shellie x

MY TOP 4 TIPS TO IMPROVE YOUR LITTLE ONE’S BEHAVIOUR


Ok so let’s get really real here for a moment …

I know you find it hard, the tantrums, the ‘not listening’ the repeating yourself, the defiance the trying to stay calm that happens daily.

And I know that you feel like you’ve tried everything and feel like nothing will change until they grow out of it. Or that you just have to sit it out and it’s just a stage they’re at.

Well, some of that is true: – this bit “ It is JUST a stage” but the rest is, well frankly BS🐮💩

Now this should be music to your ears because it means you SO CAN improve your little one’s behaviour.

However, you need to hear this, “Nothing changes and unless you do something different.” Cue the quote below “
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got” True for many things, right?

Now, you might read this and think I’m harsh. (I’m so not believe me.)
You might read this and think, well it’s ok for her, she’s not struggling like me. ( I have struggled and I sometimes still do)
You might read this and think I’m being judgemental. ( I REALLY am not, I’ve been judged too)
You might read this and feel triggered ( I used to do too, because I was so overwhelmed by motherhood)

It’s ok to think and feel all those things because I would have done too.

BUT I’m hear to tell you that YOU absolutely can improve your little one’s behaviour BEFORE you even get to the discipline stage. Honestly YOU CAN.

You absolutely CAN change and improve things you just need: Knowledge, know how and support. That’s where I come in 😀

Here are my top 5 things you can start doing TODAY to improve your little one’s mis-behaviour.

1 – See your little one’s behaviour differently, see it as communication

Yup, traditional, old school type parenting used to see behaviour as ‘attention seeking, being naughty, defiant, not doing as told, etc, etc. But here’s the thing, it’s simply not about those kind of things anymore. Your child’s challenging behaviour is a form of communication. It’s a way of saying, I can’t cope with what I’m feeling right now. I need help.
Once you start to view this behaviour in a different way you can work out exactly what the problem or frustration is and start problem solving the behaviour. Yeh, I know it all sounds very simple, and I know you probably think it isn’t simple but just starting to look behind the behaviour and viewing it differently, seeing it through your little one’s eyes will make a big difference to how you respond.

2 – Plan for Success

Often inadvertently we set our little one’s up to misbehave. Honestly #TRUTHBOMB we do. How many times have you just popped into the shop at 4pm when your little one is tired and hungry only to be met with a tantrum? How many times have you stayed an extra 30 minutes at playgroup because you’re enjoying the adult company,  knowing that your little one was about to kick off?
How many times have you fought with your little one about him getting dressed on an morning? What can you do to make things less of a hassle?

3 – Recognise the part you might be playing

Sometimes, or MOST of the time when my kiddos were little, the way I responded made things a WHOLE lot worse. I mean it was like I threw a whole load of petrol on the fire, REALLY!

These days I try my best to check in on my emotional state and reaction to the events that play out in front of me, and believe me there are STILL many I don’t always respond appropriately. I make no bones about  the fact that I don’t have all my ducks in a row right? But just being mindful of my response helps enough to pull me back into the present moment and realise just how much my response is aggravating the situation.

4 – STOP seeing things through your own adult lense.

It’s easy done, BUT remember your little one’s have been on this planet a few short years. They don’t know what we know. They don’t have the coping skills, knowledge and know how of this big wide world yet. What might seem trivial or unimportant to you, isn’t to them.

Use EMPATHY daily. Tell them you understand, even if it makes absolutely SOD ALL sense to you to empathise with your child in that present moment. EMPATHY Daily!

Shellie x
Want to know how you can ‘ FILL YOUR CHILD’S GOOD BEHAVIOUR TANK? Watch the 5 minute video (the training is now recorded not live) and click the link here >>>HERE <<<

 

Want to know why ‘TIME OUT & NAUGHTY STEP’ don’t work?

naughty stepNow, don’t get me wrong, I’ve fallen prey of this technique in the past myself. It didn’t achieve much and I still went ahead and did it.

I never thought to question why it didn’t work I was just doing what ‘they say you should do’. In fact all it seemed to achieve was a screaming out of control, angry toddler.

• So why the hell did I keep on doing it? Well, I guess when we know better we do better and at the time I didn’t know better, but I do now so I’m passing this knowledge on to you.

• Ok, so at two and three they firstly don’t understand why you are putting them in time out or the naughty step, even if you explain to them.

• Why? Because our little one’s have limited understanding of language and what we are trying to communicate to them.

• They won’t get why they are even sat on the step. It’s not teaching them anything at all.

• More importantly, if they’re actually sat there in time out shouting, crying, screaming, having a total meltdown they simply do not have the skills to calm themselves down.

• They are emotionally distressed, upset and need help to soothe their emotions because ultimately they don’t know how to do it themselves.

Now I totally get that sometimes the reason we resort to ‘time out’ and the ‘Naughty Step’ or ‘Thinking Step’ (or what other term you might have for it) is because we:

A) Don’t know what else to do
B) Think we’ve run out of options
C) Really need to remove ourselves from the situation because we are about to loose control too.

BUT here’s the thing, we need to be reminding ourselves that our little one’s don’t have the skills we do to calm down. And actually how difficult do we find it as adults to calm down when we are angry?

It’s not always easy, so why do we expect it of our little one’s who’ve only been on this earth a few short years?

Worth bearing in mind eh?

In the meantime try to help them calm down in whatever way you can and know that you are laying the vital and important foundations for future mental health and well being.

Shellie x

Need some support join My Facebook group
THE MUMMY SCHOOL  SUPPORT GROUP
***>>HERE<< ***

BUT be warned, I’m not on the same page as the 3 Day Nanny or Jo Frost the Supernanny and Attachment Parenting is too much the other way for me too.

For me it’s more about considering your child’s development stage and approaching things in a more holistic way. I guess I follow more of a ‘Postive Parenting’ approach if you had to ‘nail’ me down to one style of parenting.

If this resonates with you come and join me . Shellie x

 

The Secret Guiding Force for Managing those TANTRUMS

secretIt goes without saying that every child is different, but how is it that your child is the one that has more tantrums and meltdowns than anyone else?

Let me reassure you it’s absolutely nothing to do with you or what you’ve done right or wrong. Nope it’s down to  this little or rather BIG thing. TEMPERAMENT!

So it makes sense to get to know your little ones temperament inside out as this greatly influences their behaviour AND your parenting journey.

Knowing how they are likely to react. either positively or negatively can greatly help you navigate your way around their unique behaviour. Their temperament is part of who they and influences their  introvert or extrovert behaviours.

So in short a child’s  temperament is how they act and react in certain ways based on personality characteristics

Now, we can take this information and make it work for us by understanding how our child is likely to react in certain situations. By understanding your child’s preferences you can then work out whether certain situations are likely to be easy or difficult, then plan and prepare accordingly.

So, understanding the traits of your child’s introvert or extrovert temperament may be the guiding force that could be missing in helping you actively manage your child’s behaviour.

Understanding your EXTROVERT child

The extroverted child is probably always on the go, never sits still, likes to be with you doing things enjoying your company. Likes playing with you and others, maybe needs lots of attention. They don’t usually entertain themselves very well. They enjoy groups and being with other children. Extroverts can get bored very easily if they are spending too much time alone. They need stimulation and variety.

Your extrovert child might be labelled as challenging or strong willed. He might know his own mind and you might regularly ask yourself why he seems to like to make things difficult for you. If you give him the blue cup he wants the yellow cup. You might not understand his constant need to be moving about and flitting from one activity to another. You might feel that he’s always invading other toddlers space. He might be very easily distracted or very persistent when it comes to what he wants.

Understanding your INTROVERT Child

The introvert child enjoys time to think and doesn’t react well to over stimulation. They  may not like lots of noise, crowds and many things going on all at once. They like time on their own to recharge and like a break from other children to recharge their batteries. They maybe be home birds and enjoy nothing more than their own company and can usually entertain themselves quite well.

Your introvert child may be very clingy in new situations and become irritable by noise at playgroup. It might take them  a long time to adjust to childcare or being left.  They might be more comfortable with one to one play or play at home with friends than a play group situation. They need time to prepare and adapt. They often like their own personal space and don’t like others being too close.

So how can we take this information and use it?

Just being aware of all this can help you understand why tantrums and meltdowns might happen for your child and plan in advance. Start to take notice of situations that your child feels uncomfortable in or that perhaps lead to a tantrum or meltdown. Being aware of what could possibly cause a great big MELTDOWN will help you to take action and put steps in place to avoid these situations.

Particularly if you are the total polar opposite of your child. Understanding their needs better will help you to identify their needs in order to AVOID, REDUCE AND ELIMINATE  Tantrums and Meltdowns

_______________________________________________
Need some support book your FREE Parenting Support Call NOW.

How does it work. Click the link, book your time and date.
I will then send you a brief questionnaire to fill in.
We connect, I support you improve your little one’s behaviour.

***>>HERE<< ***

Start as you mean to go on today

GRAB THE FREE RESOURCE BELOW,
Join our FREE FACEBOOK GROUP. Read the group description, if it resonates with you come on in! CLICK >>HERE<<

Shellie x

Are you FUELLING your toddlers TANTRUMS?

fuelling tantrums-Well, really are you making your toddler tantrums worse?

Think about it, reflect on the last time your tot had a tantrum.
What did you do ?
What did you say that you wouldn’t normally say had you been calm?
Did you give out unjust punishments and consequences?
Did things escalate because you were raging?
Did you yell, shout, say things you wouldn’t say if you hadn’t flipped your lid?

You are most certainly NOT on your own
Dealing with explosive tantrums and meltdowns is one of the toughest things we are faced with as parents.
it’s exhausting and emotionally breaking….

Seeing your child as the ENEMY

When we are in the grips of anger ourselves, we are trapped in a chemical reaction ‘fight or flight’ that makes our child appear to be the enemy. We are not in a place to think and behave rationally. We say things we don’t mean and potentially make situations a hell of alot more difficult.

Staying Calm is always the advice?!

This is why the advice is always to stay calm. Stay in control of your emotions as difficult as it may be. Find ways to bring yourself back to a stage of calm. Reflect on situations that have occured and ask yourself what you could have done to prevent the situation? What could you do differently next time something similar happens?

How did you react? What were you feeling? Did you feel particularly stressed out that day?  Try to be aware and conscoius of your own emotions in the prsent moment as this gives you an indicator of how you might be about to react. Is this situaiton worth  a battle today when you are feeling ill, tired, stressed.? You know you wont act with the best intentions.

Remind yourself how difficult it is for you to bring yourself back to a state of calm when your have ‘steam coming out of your ears’. Then remember that your little one doesn’t yet have the skills you have to calm down. So expecting him to do so it a little unrealistic.

Stop seeing things through your own ADULT lense

It can help to see things through your child’s eyes instead of your adult lense.  What might they be thinking and feeling? Remember that your little one has only been on this earth a few years, he’s coming across new experiences all the time but his brain just isnt sufficiently developed to exercise rational thinking and control.

It can help to try and remember that your toddler can’t yet control most of his behaviour and really doesn’t understand the emotions he is feeling.

Ask yourself:
Are they feeling scared?
Remember that they are just exploring the world and how it works.
They might be upset
Or stressed
Or overwhelmed

Keep telling yourself these things.  Your toddler  can’t yet control how he behaves They aren’t wittingly trying to push your buttons. Keeping all this information in the forefront of you minds will help you to behave in a more rational way and not FUEL your toddlers behaviour.

Shellie x

Need some support with this? Someone who totally understands how you feel and can provide you with some practical steps? YOU CAN  eliminate, avoid and reduce MELTDOWNS/TANTRUMS/TERRIBLE TWOS ever happening in the first place. CHECK OUT THE  FREE RESOURCE IN THE BLACK BOX BELOW.

Need some support join THE MUMMY SCHOOL FREE SUPPORT GROUP >>HERE<<
It’s for parents that want to parent in their own little way without following one particular style or approach to parenting. Please visit the link and read the group description to see if its for you.

Powered by WishList Member - Membership Software
WP-Backgrounds Lite by InoPlugs Web Design and Juwelier Schönmann 1010 Wien